Month: August 2021

Don’t Sugarcoat It

~ Ting Li ~ Leave a comment

At some point in our lives, we had to respond to somebody asking “Why?”, which is really implying “why are you doing this?”

Why would you quit a good paying job? Why would you go to a second rate college? Why would you move across the country? While these questions show that the person asking may truly care and want the best for you, they don’t actually know what is really best for you. They know that the status quo of life can lead you to success – but is this your path to success?

For a long time, I did everything that was socially perceived as right: I got good grades, I went to a good college, and I even had a good paying job. But I didn’t feel successful or even fulfilled. In fact, I was incredibly anxious and deeply unsatisfied pretty much all the time. A few years ago, I had a breakthrough that led me to stop doing what others expected me to do and it was then I decided to do things for myself.

Part of my personality is to do things spontaneously, so I started to back in 2019. I spontaneously went to Korea a month before my wedding. I left a job for another company to work on projects I had minimal experience in. I started making cute wellness art on a digital platform that I’ve never used before and sharing it on social media. I did everything I was taught not to – and this newfound energy felt exhilarating. And, moreover, it was incredibly freeing.

Of course, people were curious and asked me why I did all these things. I gave somewhat mediocre answers at the time, because I really wasn’t confident in what I was doing either. I just knew deep inside my intuition said I should. Looking back, if I had the confidence, I would have gently asked, “Why not?” and actually be honest about why I was doing all this. It wasn’t for money or for my career, it was for me and my sanity. 

In my mental wellness journey, I’ve learned to not sugarcoat things anymore. I know us women in particular make up stories or excuses to not hurt or make the other person feel bad, as a way to protect them. We tend to fall in this endless sugarcoating cycle and not really admit why we are or are not doing something. Sometimes, we can’t go to an event because we are actually really tired and need a mental break from work and people for a moment. 

So, I’ve been trying lately to be more upfront about my feelings and being more confident speaking about why I do or don’t do things. It is hard to tell people my real reasoning since I’ve been suppressing this from others and sugarcoating it for so long, but I take baby steps when I can. With mental health slowly being more socially accepted, I don’t fear the backlash as much as I did before. In fact, people are willing to share their own struggles if you are honest with them about yours in the first place.

I hope the conversations about mental health become more normalized and we don’t have to hide and suppress our mental struggles from others anymore. Don’t sugarcoat it. In fact, coat it with everything you have. 

Good luck!

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Me & My Wellness Journey…So Far

~ Ting Li ~ Leave a comment

I may look put together in the photo, but in the 24 hours before this was taken, I was in a completely chaotic state.

I had to prepare and co-host a public community meeting the evening before and for the most part it went okay with a few of my mistakes. I was also in a rush to finish packing for a family trip to go on the next morning. I am the type to start packing early, but I still tend to pack extra clothes and essentials at the very last minute.

I try to be as prepared as I can, but I do have moments where things go wrong, which is part of life – nobody is immune to this. The good news is that after being in a state of panic, I have learned to not overthink too much and calm myself down during stressful situations. It’s been a life-changing journey to acknowledge and deal with my crippling anxiety and I am still learning and building better habits every day.

To commemorate my one year into my wellness journey, I wanted to share this is who I am and that I am an actual human being behind this blog. I still struggle too and, while I am not always smiling like this, I’ve never felt better and more alive. Feeling free of my mind has allowed me to be more myself. I don’t worry as much about whether I said the wrong thing, or if I’m too this or that, or if my work isn’t enough. I simply focus on doing the thing and improve from there. This has also really helped build my courage and confidence, which are great perks for an introverted, shy person like me.

I actually really dislike showing my bare arms to the world – it’s the body part I am most self-conscious about and I would most likely be reeling about it after I post this. But I want to let go of this fear and for others to have courage to do the same. By this I mean slowly starting to take risks and building the confidence to be more comfortable with and about yourself. You are an amazing person, but maybe you don’t know it yet.

A good tool is to actively ask yourself, are you revealing or concealing yourself? It’s okay to be a lurker (I very much am on Reddit), but it’s also okay to step out and show yourself too. The more you do it, the more others will too.
Also, just because you take a lazy day, it doesn’t mean you are lazy. It just means you are human and need to take a break too. It took me some time to figure this out, and I hope this helps you too.

This post is more of an introduction of the blogger behind the blog. I will be sharing more upcoming topics soon. Have a wonderful Wednesday and good luck!